just a quick one + a video

Good morning! Hopefully you like the new design on the blog this morning!

This will be quick! I'm heading outside on this GORGEOUS morning for a good long walk. This afternoon I'm off to Northern Virginia for a planning team meeting for Fun in the Son - Ocean City, Maryland. I'm very excited about being on this team. I always loved taking students to Fun in the Son, the Great Escape, and Son Servants. I love Youth Conference Ministries and their mission to bring the gospel to young people. I'm excited to stay in touch with them even though I'm no longer in full-time youth ministry.

So, for today, I leave you with the video profile that we made for Bethany. Our dear friend, Josh Ridings,  was super awesome and let us use his band's song You are the One, featuring Laura Story. Anyway, I think he is letting us use it. This is the email I received from him about it:

Dear Laura,

You can never use my music in any slideshow, hotdog eating contest, or used car commercial; either now, in the past, or any future event. In the case that my song was already used I will require the payment of your first son as per the Rumpelstiltskinean Code. I am appalled at your shamelessness and blatant disrespect for me and my family.

Josh

I'm pretty sure he is kidding...and I know you'll want to check out more of the Josh Ridings Band here.

missing you, baby.

Is it possible to miss someone you've never met?

This sounds like the opening line to some cheesy rom-com that I would have watched repeatedly in middle school (one day I'll tell you about my eighth grade obsession with While You Were Sleeping), but it's not.

It's how I feel about our baby, our child. Our little boy or girl who we believe is out there somewhere. Growing. Developing. Being loved.

For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.

psalm 139

So much love.

We miss our baby. There's a phrase in the adoption community about children not growing in our bellies, but in our hearts. I have a dislike for things that can be cheesy, but this one is true. When we first started down this road, I worried about if I would instantly love the baby that would one day be placed in our arms.

I'm not worried about that anymore. I already love this child. This is our kid we're talking about. And I have not one single physical connection.

There are nights when I look over at Paul, who has once again fallen asleep on the couch, and I see what's missing - a little peanut curled up, snoozing away on his daddy's chest. I've seen this in my mind's eye a hundred times. I cannot wait to post that actual picture.

how to keep it together

Wow. I realize that I should avoid starting blog posts with this sentence: sorry it's been so long. But really, sorry about that.

A lot has happened since I last wrote. We went on a cruise, celebrated Christmas with family. I turned 29 (should have written a blog post on what will in fact be my last birthday of accepting any higher number than that).

Anyway, let's just pick up where we left off.

I know that you are wondering about our adoption. I wonder about that all the time, so I understand your curiosity.

We were officially approved on December 16, meaning that our profile would be available to expectant parents who are considering an adoption plan. So we've been active for just over two months. It's difficult for us to feel like we've only been waiting for two months. We took our first steps on this journey of growing our family in December 2010, so to us, it feels like a long time.

Other than that, there isn't much to report! We know that we have been shown only a few times. It's hard going from talking to our social worker (who is wonderful, by the way) at least once a week during the home study process to almost complete radio silence. We get an update from her once a month, unless I'm having a crazy day and need to email her to make sure that this isn't all some weird dream.

Because some days it can feel like that.

I was perusing the internet this morning and came across an adoption blog about what the writer does to get through the craziness. My list is much different, so I thought I would share!

1. We pray. And then we pray some more. Our baby, who we believe is out there somewhere, may be the most prayed for baby on the planet. And that is such a great thing. (So thank you, faithful prayer warriors!) Paul and I pray together at least once each day and then pretty much all day separately for the baby and his or her mom that is thinking about her baby's future. Can you imagine the gravity of that decision? Can you stop right now and pray for women who are choosing life and choosing adoption?

2. We have fallen in love with our church. We love, love, love our church, Horizon Christian Fellowship. We are still getting to know people there, but we are growing deeper in the knowledge of Christ, gaining a deeper understanding of His Word, and gaining insight about our call to adopt.

3. We do stuff. Paul plays in a pool league and loves his weekly small group at Chickfila. I've started volunteering at Ten Thousand Villages and will jump at any opportunity to spend the day with my most awesome niece. We have weekly or biweekly television dates with friends. We went a great b&b for a weekend. Paul just went on a guys' weekend camping trip. I'm planning to get to the beach with some girl friends in a few weeks. I play a lot of Just Dance 3 (and look awesome doing it, I'm sure). We don't sit still. Sitting still leads to boredom, which leads to too much thinking, which leads to a good case of the adoption blues. Avoid sitting still.

4. We act as if we are having a baby, but we don't go crazy. This is tricky, because there is a balance in this, and I think it is different for everyone. I thought I would want to get the nursery done straight away so it would be ready. So we've picked out paint colors and fabric, we know what crib we are going to get, and we got a chair for the nursery (which, by the way, is so comfortable that we are leaving it in the living room for the time being even though it doesn't match a darn thing...light green chair, bright red carpet. You get the picture. But it is so comfy.). But that's about as far as we've gotten. We have gotten a few very sweet gifts from family and have started a baby pile in what will be the nursery. We walk through the baby section at Target, but we don't buy anything. We're just not there yet, and that is a-ok.

5. We talk about it. I will tell anyone who wants to listen about our adoption process. We ARE expecting - we just don't get the luxury of a due date. So we have all of that excitement and wonder of what our child will be like, just like if we were physically pregnant. Don't be afraid to ask about it - some days I may just give you a short answer, but others, I'll happily pull the fabric swatch out of my purse and ask you about cloth diapers and which bottles to buy. (But seriously, feel free to comment on these things).

So that's about it. We're so excited for the day to tell the world that our baby is coming home!!

One last thing...I'm in a Bible study that is doing an inductive study of Ephesians. Such amazing richness here. Yesterday, I did a word study of the "predestined." The greek word is proorizo, "to decide beforehand." The word is found in Ephesians 1:5: In love, he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. 

Amazing. We serve a God who completely identifies with our wait to adopt. He waited a long time to adopt us Himself, through Jesus.  What God starts, he works out to completion.

and now we wait!

I think we've all realized by now that blogging is not my gift. But I will try to do my best to update you as we continue on our adoption journey!

Much has happened since my last post. We are finished with our part of the home study process. Here's a timeline:

September 19: preliminary application done
September 21: statements of faith done
September 30: formal application done
October 13: intake interview with our Bethany social worker
October 18: turned in all of our paperwork
October 28 - 29: attended Bethany two-day adoption training in Fredericksburg
November 2: 1st home study interview with our social worker
November 9: actual home study portion at our home as well as individual interviews with social worker
November 17: final home study interview with social worker!

As you just read, yesterday was our final interview - we handed in our profile books (which you can preview here: http://www.mixbook.com/photo-books/interests/adoption-profile-copy-6153592) and finalized our service plan detailing what we're open to for our match.

Our social worker told us that she would hand off our profile books to the expectant parent counselors in a couple of weeks and that our home study should be approved by mid-December.

Now we wait.

This is a weird spot to be in - with the home study process, we constantly had a form to fill out, a profile book to work on, a house to clean, a book to read, or an interview to prepare for. Well, we still have a house to clean, but we had a feeling of control with all of that. Feelings of control have left the building. This is a good thing, I know. We really believe that God has a lot to teach us during this time, and that we need to be open to listening to Him and discovering how he wants us to grow as we prepare to be parents. This process has brought Paul and I even closer together, and we want each day in this in between time a day that we grow in our love for each other and our love for Jesus.

We very much appreciate your continued prayers and words of encouragement! We love that our family and friends are so excited with us and for us. In fact, we shared with our social worker that our support system is amazing! (We were bragging about YOU!)

I hope that you have an amazing Thanksgiving and time with family. Paul and I will be cruising the Southern Caribbean post-Thanksgiving, and it is PERFECT timing. Cannot wait! Thanks for checking in!

(In other news, today was Regis' last show. I may have cried a little.)

Adoption Update

Here's the quick version of what's happening on the adoption front. We are moving right along!

We have finished filling out all of our paperwork. It was quite a stack - everything from financials to fingerprints to a fire escape plan for our house (yes, I purposefully incorporated the alliteration there). We were super motivated to get it done  - we got it last Thursday and turned it in on Tuesday. Booyah.

This week, Paul and I both are having physicals done. Next week, we have our two-day adoption training. The following week (1st week of November), we'll have a conjoint interview with the social worker. The week after that (2nd week of November), we'll have our individual interviews and our home study. The 3rd week of November, we'll have our final interview. And then we will be done!! The next week is Thanksgiving and then we'll be off our on cruise. We should be approved by mid-December at the latest if all goes according to plan. Pray that schedules will align, and we can stick to this plan!

Like I said, moving right along! Thanks so much for your questions, support, and prayers! We're excited!

Wait...what happened to fall?

It's a cold, cold day in Harrisonburg. Actually I'm not sure what the temperature is outside (hold on...I'll check weather.com...okay, it's 48 degrees at 5 pm...so that classifies as a cold day). The temperature inside? 64. Sixty-four!! But it's far far too early to turn on the heat. And so, Mallie, Paul and I are all sitting very close on the couch and we have our first fire of the season going in the fireplace!

I hatehatehate being cold, so the next few days are going to be a struggle for me. And for Mallie I think. She's been getting cold during the night and then crying to get into our bed around 1 am. I would rather her sleep in bed than deal with her whining, but then she takes up about half of the bed, leaving 1/4 each for Paul and me. It's lose-lose.

Apart from the Gamecocks being not awesome on Saturday, it was a great weekend. We loved hanging out with out of town friends and getting some extended time with Hillary. Hillary, btw, has expanded her jewelry line (see etsy.com/shop/CameraSHYphotography) with some amazing leather pieces (these aren't on the website yet). She also started a blog this weekend, so as soon as she gets it up and running, I'll give you the link.

Today, Paul and I continued our church hunt. We still haven't landed anywhere, but I think we may be getting close. We'll let you know when we do, but I know we need to give this process a fair amount of time. Once we find the church God is calling us to, we want to be committed, so we aren't making this decision lightly, even though this is a tough journey. I just want it to be six months from now on some days - we'd already be in a church, building community, and making less awkward small talk than we are now (I know that never goes away on some level).

On the adoption front (which I know is why you're here in the first place), things are moving along. We are almost done with our formal application - hopefully we will submit it tomorrow. So thus far, we've done an informational meeting, preliminary application, written statements of faith, and almost finished the formal application. We still have an intake interview (scheduled for next week in Charlottesville), a two-day training (at the end of October), a couple more interviews in Richmond, and an intensive home study. So we aren't anywhere near the end of the tunnel, but we're getting there.

We are really enjoying the process - even if it is a ton of paperwork. It is forcing us to have hard, but really good conversations, and requiring that we trust God through the hard questions.

We are so incredibly blessed by the outpouring of support we've gotten from friends and family. We love seeing you guys as excited as we are. Thank you so much! We know that not every adoptive couple has such an amazing network of family and friends.

This week, I really hope to blog a bit about a book that Paul and I are both reading, Adopted for Life by Russell D. Moore. I'm only in the first chapter, but so far, Moore does a beautiful job of painting a  picture of our very own adoption story through the work of Christ. "See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are." (1 John 3:1) I would recommend this book. Paul and I will both share our thoughts on the book on the blog later on!

Alrighty, off we go. Busy week coming up - the corn maze job starts this week, and I'm doing some volunteering administering youth data surveys. All of this is leading up to....Wicked in Richmond on Saturday with the family! I think I'll tryyyyy defyyyyying gravity! Okay, I'm done.

How We're Praying

First off, I just want to share that last night my competitive side reared its ugly head. But it was so much fun. Paul and I are on the YoungLife Beyond team at JMU. Beyond is focused towards college students (mostly freshmen) who are just getting involved with YoungLife. Paul and I are both leading small groups and having a great time working with these college students. I've spent more time on JMU's campus in the past month than I have in the 6 years since I graduated.

Anyway, last night we had a scavenger hunt around campus. Somehow, I ended up on the way hardcore team. We ran. and ran. and ran. and ran. We ran up the steps of the parking garage. We did pyramids, cartwheels (well, I didn't do a cartwheel), and stood in a fountain. We rearranged a dorm room, climbed in a closet, and gave piggy back rides. We collected lots of sticks and borrowed febreeze, shower shoes, a giant purse and a freshmen map. We sang and danced to "Bye Bye Bye." And thank goodness Jillian Michaels has been been kicking my butt regularly (in our very own living room thanks to the power of DVDs) for a while now, or else I would have died. My team was awesome sauce, and yet we didn't win. The team that did win racked up a ton of bonus points by going above and beyond at one of the items on the scavenger hunt, but in its purest form, we should have won. I was really surprised my heart's little pouty attitude. It was kind of hilarious, but also it kind of bothered me. So I feel like this is something I really need to work on - and my family, husband, and anyone else that I've ever Wii bowled against would probably agree.

On to the actual point of this post. I wanted to share with you how Paul and I are praying right now about our adoption so that you can join us. Here we go:

• We are super early into this process. We are praying for the paperwork process and also for the waiting. We know that we have a lot of waiting ahead of us, and I am not generally a good waiter!
• We are praying for our baby - part of me believes that our baby is out there already and growing and forming in his mother's womb. This really causes Psalm 139 to come alive to me in a new way, and I have been praying these words over our baby.

  ¹³ For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
   How vast is the sum of them! 

 

• We are also praying for the birthmother. I cannot begin to fathom or imagine the struggle that she is facing and the very real grief and sorrow that will come because of her decision to choose adoption for her baby. My prayer for her now is that the Spirit is strengthening her, empowering her, and reminding her that Jesus will never leave or forsake her. 

Would you join us is praying for these things?

We are so grateful and overjoyed by all of your responses and excitement about our news! Have a great Wednesday!

God makes a family.

I have had a lot of fun confusing people this week with this:

Me: "We're having a BABY!!"
Them: "Ohmygoshyou'repreg--"
Me: (Interrupting) "But I'm not pregnant!"
Them: Confused silence. "Whaa...?"

WE'RE ADOPTING!

Some of you will be super surprised at this news, but it's true! Let me fill you in a little bit on the whole story.

Paul and I both have always had adoption in our hearts separately. Before we got married, when we talked about the plans for our family, we talked about adoption. We both felt strongly that God would use adoption as a means to grow our family one day. Of course, we didn't know the details.

Last December, Paul and I began praying about starting the Riner clan. Because we knew adoption would be in our future, we talked about adopting and also about trying to conceive. We even attended an informational meeting in January about adopting. At that meeting, the social worker told us that while there is no way to know how long it will take to get a placement, because we were open to adopting from any racial background, we could have a baby in 3 months. Or it could take a year. Honestly, all we heard at that point was "3 months."

As excited as we were about starting our family, we were definitely not prepared to have a baby come home in March! So we decided to put off adoption and try to have a biological child first. Long story short, 10 months later, still not pregnant. I won't go into the details, but medically speaking, now just isn't the time for us to conceive on our own.

We both felt like we heard the message loud and clear from the Lord. We knew that God was calling us to adopt. Although it took us a little time to get there, we're finally on the same page as the Lord, and we are so excited for the journey ahead.

We hope that you will pray for us and catch some of our excitement for Baby Riner - wherever and whoever he or she is. My goal (in all of my current unemployed time availability) is to keep up with this blog as much as possible - filling you in on what's happening on the adoption front, life in general, and the whatnot. Please only share this blog with family and friends that know us - we're not super interested in the whole world reading our story, but we do want you to be a part of the process!

Thanks in advance for your prayers! We are PUMPED!!