No news is not good news in the waiting game. And also, a new job.

I've been hiding from this blog.

Some days it is very helpful to write and keep you informed of what is going on in adoptionland.

But the truth is there is very little going on in adoptionland. This process has been so difficult, so long, and seemingly unending. And while I know the truth of God being in control and we are within his plan and his timing, I'm so incredibly human, so incredibly impatient, and I get tired of faking that adoption-smile sometimes. So I avoid you, dear blog reader. Don't take it personally.

But I don't want to pretend anymore that it's not difficult to see babies born and friends with the joy in their eyes over newly discovered pregnancies. It is hard. Adoption is hard. Infertility is hard. This road we've been on for 18 months is hard. I know that we won't be on this road forever, but depending on the day, the gravity of that truth strikes me in different ways.

God is still providing for us though in other ways. I'm excited to be starting a summer that I won't be traveling for half of it. I'm excited to get a pool membership and spend lots of time with Amanda and her new puppy. I'm excited about the peaches, cherries, blueberries, apples, tomatoes, squash, peppers, and cucumbers that we're nurturing in our backyard. I'm excited to be with family at the beach and at the lake.

And I'm excited to start a new job on Monday!

Paul and I have been praying and seeking the Lord over what I should be doing. I've been so thankful for opportunities to volunteer and watch friends' kids when they are in a bind. But I really felt like I needed to be making some cash. It really comes down to that. I haven't had a haircut in 10 months because I wouldn't allow myself one. Girl needs some dollars. Girl got some split-ends. Paul has been amazingly supportive about me staying home for the past 9 months, but I needed something else.

So Monday, I just felt like I needed to pop into Shank's Bakery to see if they were hiring. Lo and behold, I start working there next Monday.

I'm so excited about this job. I'm excited to get paid to do something that I love to do - to bake and interact with people. I think it will be good to use my hands and make something and to be tired at the end of the day from being at work at 6 am. And God really provided this one - the owners understand the process we are in and are understanding that I may have to leave at a moment's notice. That's been a big fear of mine about finding a job since we started this process.

 So thanks for your continued prayers. Thanks for asking about the adoption. Thanks for loving us!

Come buy baked goods from me!

this week in pictures

Oops! Got behind blogging this week! Here's a quick recap!

SO Exciting! My sister, Mary Beth, and her longtime boyfriend, Peter, got engaged! Peter has been a member of our family for years and years, so I'm pumped that it will officially be official. Now he can be in the official family photo instead of being the one to take it. I love these two so much, and I can't wait to help plan another wedding! (By the way, isn't my sister gorgeous?!)

Saturday, I made this yummy breakfast courtesy of my favorite magazine, Food Network Magazine. It's puff pastry baked with cheese, bacon crumbles, and egg. It was so delicious, but super rich. I could only eat about a fourth of mine. 

After breakfast, Paul and I biked down to the Farmer's Market and library. We love being within biking distance of downtown. I've been trying to bike down to Ten Thousand Villages to volunteer as well. I just wish I had a cooler helmet like this:

Tuesday, we very unfortunately discovered that the pipe from the house out to the sewer had settled, which creates some problems as you can imagine. Luckily, they only have to remove one section of pipe and not dig up the entire front yard - we just now have nice grass growing where we dug up some trees last year. As of right now, we have a nice big hole in our front yard while we wait for the city to come finish their job. It is mostly fixed, and let me tell you, appreciate your ability to flush a toilet. Talk about taking something for granted. 

 

Last night, I went over to Amanda's to rekindle my old love affair with the Phantom. Amanda had caught the end of the 25th anniversary performance on PBS a few weeks ago and loved it so much that she bought the DVD. The Phantom of the Opera has been a staple of my friendship with Amanda. We love to sing and laugh at the camp and wonder how Christine Daae can be so naive sometimes. It's a favorite. And isn't Phantom's makeup impressive? Exposed brain cannot be healthy. 

Despite our plumbing issues, it has been a great week. And what can be better to punctuate it than the Hunger Games tomorrow night? May the odds be ever in your favor!

*****March Madness Update*****

 I'm beating Paul by 4 points, so it is still anyone's game. Paul has until today to decide what he wants in the unlikely event that he might win. When If I win, he will be detailing my jeep, and let me tell you, there is a lot of dog hair in there. Best of luck, Paul!

Laura's Bracket

Paul's Bracket

Bracketology

The great question that I'm guessing is playing out in many households across the country: who is better at guessing a bracket? Here are the profiles:

• Spouse A: Listens to ESPN radio non-stop in vehicle. Reads ESPN magazine. Regularly reads sports blogs, watches Sports Center. Cares. 

• Spouse B: Occasionally will voluntarily watch Sports Nation. Does not care.

My money is on Spouse B.

Our brackets  are below - I'll update them regularly (click to enlarge). We still need to decide on what the winner will receive. I liked the suggestions we got on Facebook, but we could still use more ideas, unless Lisa is really offering to give the winner an iPad.

 Paul's Bracket

Laura's Bracket

just a quick one + a video

Good morning! Hopefully you like the new design on the blog this morning!

This will be quick! I'm heading outside on this GORGEOUS morning for a good long walk. This afternoon I'm off to Northern Virginia for a planning team meeting for Fun in the Son - Ocean City, Maryland. I'm very excited about being on this team. I always loved taking students to Fun in the Son, the Great Escape, and Son Servants. I love Youth Conference Ministries and their mission to bring the gospel to young people. I'm excited to stay in touch with them even though I'm no longer in full-time youth ministry.

So, for today, I leave you with the video profile that we made for Bethany. Our dear friend, Josh Ridings,  was super awesome and let us use his band's song You are the One, featuring Laura Story. Anyway, I think he is letting us use it. This is the email I received from him about it:

Dear Laura,

You can never use my music in any slideshow, hotdog eating contest, or used car commercial; either now, in the past, or any future event. In the case that my song was already used I will require the payment of your first son as per the Rumpelstiltskinean Code. I am appalled at your shamelessness and blatant disrespect for me and my family.

Josh

I'm pretty sure he is kidding...and I know you'll want to check out more of the Josh Ridings Band here.

missing you, baby.

Is it possible to miss someone you've never met?

This sounds like the opening line to some cheesy rom-com that I would have watched repeatedly in middle school (one day I'll tell you about my eighth grade obsession with While You Were Sleeping), but it's not.

It's how I feel about our baby, our child. Our little boy or girl who we believe is out there somewhere. Growing. Developing. Being loved.

For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.

psalm 139

So much love.

We miss our baby. There's a phrase in the adoption community about children not growing in our bellies, but in our hearts. I have a dislike for things that can be cheesy, but this one is true. When we first started down this road, I worried about if I would instantly love the baby that would one day be placed in our arms.

I'm not worried about that anymore. I already love this child. This is our kid we're talking about. And I have not one single physical connection.

There are nights when I look over at Paul, who has once again fallen asleep on the couch, and I see what's missing - a little peanut curled up, snoozing away on his daddy's chest. I've seen this in my mind's eye a hundred times. I cannot wait to post that actual picture.

a weekend of birthdays

It was a big birthday weekend for some close friends of ours.

.

On Friday, we celebrated Amanda's 29 birthday (ages have been blocked out to protect the innocent). It was a great day - I went into Amanda's first grade classroom to celebrate with her cutie kiddos. I love how excited kids get about birthdays - even if it is not their own. They know the excitement they feel on their birthday, and they just want to get near it any time they can. They love Amanda, and I love seeing the amazing impact this incredible woman is having on them. They have no idea the hours that Amanda puts in to making their year memorable - one day they'll realize!

Saturday, we headed to Richmond to surprise Hillary and Emily for their 30th birthday (hint: it's a big one for the twinnies!). Jesse (Hillary's hubby), along with Hill's and Em's parents threw a great party, complete with McDonald's double cheeseburgers for Emily and a pinata. We've been looking forward to this party for a while - we got to see friends (and new babies!) that we haven't seen in a while. Our little gaggle of friends has stayed close since we graduated 7 (SEVEN?!) years ago from JMU. We've added to our number with husbands and wee babes, and it is still so sweet to get together.

We got back home today to a snuggly dog, a few loads of laundry, and a couple hours worth of catching up with the DVR. What is better than a lazy Sunday afternoon?

All in all, Paul and I come away from weekends like this saying, "we needed that." I think I said in my last blog post that in this adoption wait, the worst thing is to sit around. Opportunities like this to be with friends, to laugh, share struggles, and just play together are invaluable. One thing I love so much about Paul is how committed he is to his friends and the value he puts on making sure we stay connected with my friends as well. Our weekly Amazing Race and dinner dates with Amanda are a highlight for both of our weeks. Parks and Rec on Thursdays with the Kisers, weekends to Columbia for football games, camping trips, or trips to Richmond are necessary.  Lunch dates, phone calls, Bible studies. We are so thankful for the community and the friendships that God has placed as a hedge around us - loving us, protecting us, praying with us!

To finish up tonight, I leave you with the least flattering picture of Mallie that has ever been taken. Enjoy the beautiful weather this week!

how to keep it together

Wow. I realize that I should avoid starting blog posts with this sentence: sorry it's been so long. But really, sorry about that.

A lot has happened since I last wrote. We went on a cruise, celebrated Christmas with family. I turned 29 (should have written a blog post on what will in fact be my last birthday of accepting any higher number than that).

Anyway, let's just pick up where we left off.

I know that you are wondering about our adoption. I wonder about that all the time, so I understand your curiosity.

We were officially approved on December 16, meaning that our profile would be available to expectant parents who are considering an adoption plan. So we've been active for just over two months. It's difficult for us to feel like we've only been waiting for two months. We took our first steps on this journey of growing our family in December 2010, so to us, it feels like a long time.

Other than that, there isn't much to report! We know that we have been shown only a few times. It's hard going from talking to our social worker (who is wonderful, by the way) at least once a week during the home study process to almost complete radio silence. We get an update from her once a month, unless I'm having a crazy day and need to email her to make sure that this isn't all some weird dream.

Because some days it can feel like that.

I was perusing the internet this morning and came across an adoption blog about what the writer does to get through the craziness. My list is much different, so I thought I would share!

1. We pray. And then we pray some more. Our baby, who we believe is out there somewhere, may be the most prayed for baby on the planet. And that is such a great thing. (So thank you, faithful prayer warriors!) Paul and I pray together at least once each day and then pretty much all day separately for the baby and his or her mom that is thinking about her baby's future. Can you imagine the gravity of that decision? Can you stop right now and pray for women who are choosing life and choosing adoption?

2. We have fallen in love with our church. We love, love, love our church, Horizon Christian Fellowship. We are still getting to know people there, but we are growing deeper in the knowledge of Christ, gaining a deeper understanding of His Word, and gaining insight about our call to adopt.

3. We do stuff. Paul plays in a pool league and loves his weekly small group at Chickfila. I've started volunteering at Ten Thousand Villages and will jump at any opportunity to spend the day with my most awesome niece. We have weekly or biweekly television dates with friends. We went a great b&b for a weekend. Paul just went on a guys' weekend camping trip. I'm planning to get to the beach with some girl friends in a few weeks. I play a lot of Just Dance 3 (and look awesome doing it, I'm sure). We don't sit still. Sitting still leads to boredom, which leads to too much thinking, which leads to a good case of the adoption blues. Avoid sitting still.

4. We act as if we are having a baby, but we don't go crazy. This is tricky, because there is a balance in this, and I think it is different for everyone. I thought I would want to get the nursery done straight away so it would be ready. So we've picked out paint colors and fabric, we know what crib we are going to get, and we got a chair for the nursery (which, by the way, is so comfortable that we are leaving it in the living room for the time being even though it doesn't match a darn thing...light green chair, bright red carpet. You get the picture. But it is so comfy.). But that's about as far as we've gotten. We have gotten a few very sweet gifts from family and have started a baby pile in what will be the nursery. We walk through the baby section at Target, but we don't buy anything. We're just not there yet, and that is a-ok.

5. We talk about it. I will tell anyone who wants to listen about our adoption process. We ARE expecting - we just don't get the luxury of a due date. So we have all of that excitement and wonder of what our child will be like, just like if we were physically pregnant. Don't be afraid to ask about it - some days I may just give you a short answer, but others, I'll happily pull the fabric swatch out of my purse and ask you about cloth diapers and which bottles to buy. (But seriously, feel free to comment on these things).

So that's about it. We're so excited for the day to tell the world that our baby is coming home!!

One last thing...I'm in a Bible study that is doing an inductive study of Ephesians. Such amazing richness here. Yesterday, I did a word study of the "predestined." The greek word is proorizo, "to decide beforehand." The word is found in Ephesians 1:5: In love, he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. 

Amazing. We serve a God who completely identifies with our wait to adopt. He waited a long time to adopt us Himself, through Jesus.  What God starts, he works out to completion.